Salt and Pepper

I like to collect things. Well, I like the idea of collecting things.

I don't actually like dealing with the things I collect. That's why I like Pinterest so much. I can collect without actually housing my collections.

So whilst in Minnesota I collected two sets of Salt and Pepper shakers. One bride and groom that will most assuredly make a home atop a wedding cake in a styled shoot at some point. and one set of cocker spaniels. I love them both

Lose the Weight

It's annoying to me how much I live in my head. I spend so much time dwelling, reevaluating, stewing, mulling, focusing on things in m own head that I've gotten lost. Every now and again small bits of light break in and I'm truly happy. But for the most part, I live in a pretty dark place. And I hate it.

I've been diagnosed with depression and anxiety which is what they decided I had instead of bipolar disorder. My maternal grandmother was bipolar and my paternal grandfather and my father had/have anxiety. I've tried to be medicated and it always did more harm than good. I've seen a therapist who literally made me want to jump off a building or move so far from everyone I knew that no one would remember my name. In two words, bad things.

I lost about 30 or so pounds back in 2004. I've always been over weight. My entire life I've thought about what I ate and how much, even if I was conscious of the bad choices I was shoving into my mouth. My mother put me on the Zone diet when I was ten. She was overweight as a child and very fearful that I would be teased by peers and family or be an outcast like she was. Her thoughts her in the right place but the execution left something to be desired because it really messed my head up.

I'm not good enough.

That's what's in my head. Always. And it's really really annoying. Mostly, because deep down I know it's not true. I can do lots of things well. But I can't even give myself credit then. I tell myself I'm a jack of a lot of trades and master of none. I don't do anything "Martha Stewart perfect." I want to. I want to be perfect at something. But in the reality of life, that isn't possible. No one is perfect, no one.

It wasn't until I lost those 30 or so pounds that anyone of the male gender paid any attention to me in an "I want to date you" way. Which only drilled into my head that yes, I was fat before, and no, you will never be loved unless you're thin. So I went crazy. I became hyper obsessive with my weight. I would get on a scale 6 times a day. Eat no sugar, at all (I still have no idea how I did that). And then my wonderful friend and roommate stepped in when she came back to school at the end of summer. And I relaxed a little. I gained 5 pounds and nothing fell apart. Boys still wanted to date me.

But I started making really bad choices.

Like ruin people's lives bad choices.

Like date your friend's boyfriend three weeks after they break up because everyone knows he's pursuing me bad choices. And even though I can blame it on the medications that they put me on that semester that made me suicidal and I was just barely clinging to sanity, I still made those choices. And I hated myself for it.

I met Sir Luke almost an entire year after I moved to NYC. I made bad choices in dating before I met him too. Lots of them. It still aggravates me to this day. When I started dating Luke I weighed in around 130 pounds. And since we've been married I've gained 40. 40 POUNDS!!!!!

In all the Jillian Michael's obsessed listening that I've been doing I finally figured out why I can't get myself to lose any of this weight. I'm not trying to push Luke away, like I originally thought. I'm afraid that if I get thin again I'll make bad choices. Like seriously bad choices. Because that's what I associate with my life with being thin. I don't want to make a bad choice and ruin my life or Luke's life or anyone else's for that matter.

And it sounds so silly but if you did what I had done my senior year in college you might think differently. It was literally the year from hell. For lots and lots of people. And I never want to go back to that place. So I've kept this shell on to keep my distance from people. And I'm done with it. Because once you know the why it's easier to make the change. And that's what I've struggled with for so long.

Why am I like this? Why am I living in this comfort zone of fat? Why the hell is fat my comfort zone?!?! It makes me so angry. And I'm ready to do something about it.

My in-laws are taking the entire family to Florida for a reunion. Florida = beach = I'm not wearing a swimsuit in front of that many people I know. I've got until May 22nd or so to get my butt in to the size it should be. That's my goal. Lose 40lbs in six months. It's totally doable!!!!!!!

So here I am proclaiming to you, internet. I am not going to binge anymore (Thank you Thanksgiving for that lovely pattern....).

I'm going to COUNT MY CALORIES! - I've always thought those were dirty words. But it's how I will lose my pounds. Keeping track.

I will eat healthy and organic!!  - I've been reading lots of research that says pesticides can maintain a mild depression in people...bad news bears for this chica.

I will walk Ripley on speedy everyday for an hour! - she loves it an I need it. I may even throw in some jogging. Who knows.

I will workout an additional half hour everyday except Sunday! - I'm shouting now

That's it peeps. I'm off to walk.

Van Horn Family Reunion Part I

I went to Minnesota last month to gather with a hodge podge of family from around the country. Dalton, MN, where my Uncle Roger and Aunt Linda live, was the gathering place of choice and I LOVED it. I hadn't been there since 2000. It seems so long ago, and I guess it was.

There are too many photos to post them all at one time. You would hate me. So here are some photos of tractors. There were a lot given it was a tractor fair, show thing. Lots of family members drove tractors in the parades. Multiple tractor parades over three days, four in total. Yes, I sat through at least two.

This is my Uncle Roger. He collects tractors. Yes, you heard correctly. He collects them. I think he has over 50. Don't ask me where he gets them all or where he keeps them. But they are mostly Minneapolis-Moline and they are really pretty. Tractor design is pretty awesome. Oh, and my Uncle George collects tractors as well. How many people do you know that collect tractors? What? None? Too bad for you.

Ben was supposed to drive this in the parade on the second day, but sadly when he lined up on the parade route the tractor died. It was a sad day. But he did end up driving people around on the people movers on a tractor all day long on the last show day. Believe me, he was a happy cowboy.

Dreams

I usually don't remember my dreams. But when they are really disturbing or leave an exceptionally bad taste in my mouth I do. A couple weeks ago I dreamt my mom told me what I was doing with my life was a waste and I was incapable of being successful. Yeah...totally devastating to hear your parent say that. I told Sir Luke about it and his reassuring response, "your mom would never say that to you." Indeed he is true but it still stuck with me for a while and kinda threw me for a loop.

This morning I woke up during the terror of a dream I was having, tried to knock it out of my head, went back to sleep and still had to deal with the situation. Does that ever happen to you? I know I'm dreaming in about 80% of my dreams. Unless I'm sleep walking in which case I think everything is real.

You know how most people dream that someone is kidnapping them. Well last night I dreamt I kidnapped someone. And not just any someone, a bride. And I was the maid of honor. And it was against her will. And someone shrank her and I stuffed her in a doll and took her far far away. And then went back to the wedding like nothing was unusual. But I felt horrible the entire time and the people who were threatening me if I divulged the secret were following me all over the place. Oh and Sir Luke had gotten me involved but he wasn't there. He was at the place where I had taken the tiny bride in the doll (I never said dreams made sense). I danced down the aisle with the bridesmaids because the scary people told me I had to be normal. And for the record, no ceremony would start if no one had seen or heard from the bride in 24 hours.

So I looked up the meaning of this dream as soon as I woke up, 1: because I bolted out of bed at 6:30 because I was tired of the crazy, 2: because I needed to know why I was dreaming I kidnapped someone, 3: because I was completely wigged out.


So this is what it boils down to when you dream you kidnap someone: 

demonstrates that you need to think about the invisible barriers that you have been putting up in your life so that you can face life again without fear.

The key meaning of this dream suggests that you have a desire to control a personal situation in your life.

Yes and YES. Creepy. 100% creepy how true this all is. I am completely blown away by my subconscious telling me things in a, albeit, disturbing way. None the less, message received subconscious. Please don't try to tell me again. Please.

Peace out.

Kaylie & Eric's Wedding

So the reason I went to Northern California was to attend my cousin, Kaylie's wedding to Eric. It was a beautiful wedding and so great to see tons of relatives I hadn't seen since I was so little that I didn't even remember them.

Check it.

Aren't my parents the cutest?!

Oh and you can look at more pictures here.

La Honda, CA

La Honda is tucked in the mountains 30 miles south of San Francisco. There on Memory Lane (it is actually on Memory Lane, adorable and fitting) sits a beautiful home on property bought by my great grandfather Lehner. My dad's cousin still lives there and I am super jealous. It really is like being in paradise. I haven't been there in probably ten years. As soon as we got there all those memories from my childhood sprang up. Not a while lot has changed aside from trees growing wider and taller and the bushes getting bushier. It's such a gorgeous place. It used to have finches, rabbits, horses and chickens. But these days chickens and doves are the only creatures housed on the property aside from the deer, blue jays and other  wild beasts roaming around.

It was great to see some family that I hadn't been around in ages. Most of these pictures are just of JoAnn at the house but Sandee was there too. The Blue Jays there are pretty serious about scavenging but they are some of my favorite birds on the planet. That color just doesn't seem natural in nature. It's so beautiful. And perfect. Here are tons of pictures, enjoy.

My favorite thing to look for around La Honda when I was a kid were, banana slugs. Turns out, still my favorite thing to hunt for. And, they are everywhere.

Pins & Needles

I made this pin cushion for my friend Lola. She collects them and I thought a cute little cactus in a pot would be a great addition. I love him. I wasn't even sure if what I was sewing would end up as a sphere and it did on my first try. I was pretty stoked it worked out. I saw these cacti originally but then saw these and liked the idea much better. You know I'm a sucker for cute things.

What would you name him?

I really like his little flower. I probably should have done two different colors from the petals but all I had was the light pink. Yes, that pot is full of rocks and weighs about a pound. You can't tell too much from the pictures but the side panels are a darker green with green tinsel. It's super cute and makes him look a little spiny. I'm pretty happy with how he came out. 

P.S. I think I might be starting a little DIY section called "Megan Could Make That." Playing off the whole thing of my mother saying I could make pretty much everything I wanted her to buy me as a child. So I'm taking some suggestions. If there is something that you really like that you think could be made but you don't know how, send me a picture or a link in the comments. I'm not sure how frequent it will be but I really want to try it out!

Survival

Sometimes I wake up and think. "Take that yesterday, I made it!"

Image via The Best Movie Ever

No Face

Ripley has had this bear since we got her in January.

She likes to make out with it.

Lesson of the day, don't make out with Ripley.

Due to an unfortunate accident Bear has now lost a foot.

She's a Lady

Whoooaa, whoooaa, she's a lady!

I constantly get the question, "is it a girl or a boy?" when I'm on a walk with Ripley P. Eyebrows. With a very androgynous name like Ripley and the mentality that "dogs are boys and cats are girls" people do not readily know what Ripley's sex is. And I'd like to fix it in an obvious and sparkly way.

Cue pink rhinestone collar! I'm on the market and I've found a few awesome ones. I like this straight forward pink sparkle collar. The thing that's annoying is I like the teal one better...buuuut that kinda defeats the purpose.

Via Dazzle Dog Delight or this cheap version on Doggie Vogue


I like that this one could potentially have her name on it.

Via Paliette


Pink on pink? Is that a clear enough message?

Via Bark Bling


Who spends $140 on a dog collar?! I saw another that was over $340K. No joke. Real diamonds on a dog collar. Insane.

via Calling All Dogs


What do you think of this resolution? I mean my own mother glued a bow to my head when I was a baby since I was bald til age three. Yes, bald.

James Deam

Sometimes I wish my husband dressed a little more like James Dean and a little less like a high school student.

He does, however, give me this look every time I take his photo. That or a big hand in my lens.

Great Grandparents Quilt

I found this amazing quilt of someone's grandparents and it made me want to make a quilt with my mother's paternal grandparents. I'm revising my list.

via ragged cloth cafe

How awesome are these photos of Dorothy Victorine and Eugene Van Horn?

Photos circa 1936. Aren't you loving Eugene's sweet mustache, Capree?

Charlie Brown Wall

I really like chevron stripes. I think they are awesome. I've been wanting to paint something in our house for a long time. I haven't painted a thing since our master bath. I think it's weird that the two painted rooms in our house are bathrooms. UNTIL NOW!

I often check in at Lowes for reject paint. Reject paint is paint mixed for people who either; don't like it once they see it in paint form or order it and never come back (rude). Usually the colors available in a gallon are various shades of beige or hot pink. And if you know me at all you know I'm not afraid of color. So when I looked at the reject shelf and saw the dark teal that goes perfectly with the color in my "decor" I knew it had to be mine, mine, MINE!

But because I cannot do anything halfway I decided to add shiny silver "chevron stripes." I think they turned out more Charlie Brown than chevron but I really love the wall anyway. I love coming downstairs to see a giant piece of art on my wall.

I used an architects square (umm...I called it a T- ruler before Sir Luke mocked me) and cut out a triange out of some think junk mail. With my laser level I marked the center line and then just traced over the triangle above and below the line. Then I used frog tape to outline the zig-zags. But then I painted the teal over the tape edges to seal it some more. I had about 5 spots to touch up on the whole design. Wah-bam! It took me about two days, three including the drying and minor touch ups. Not bad.

Please don't judge the sad thrift store chairs that might break in the next ten minutes, nor my sad shoe/magazine rack or the curling up of my IKEA rug that threatens to trip every human that walks in the door.

So could you do something this bold or am I the only crazy one who does this on a whim?

IKEA Stools: Recovered

We acquired these IKEA stools rather oddly. A friend from high school was trying to sell them before she moved. She posted some photos on Facebook and since I've been coveting these stools for ages I had to figure out a way to get them from Riverside, CA to the LV. My friend's parents picked them up from her place, took them back to our hometown, my parents picked them up from them and then brought them to Vegas on a trip up north.

They are the perfect fit for the space and have a back to them which was a Sir Luke requirement. My kitchen is all red and white and teal and my living space has no red and adds in lime green. Suffice it to say the spaces don't blend super well. I found this great Amy Butler fabric and knew it would be the perfect way to tie them both together.

Ripley likes to approve all fabric for sleeping before she allows me to make use of it. This got an A+!

So here are the chairs post makeover! What do you think of the before and after?

I "fussy cut" the fabric so that I had the main graphic ended up on centered on the back front and seat of the chair. You have to get about twice as much fabric to do something like this. We'll see if I have enough to do this on the third stool I hope to someday own.

What do you think? Success?

30 before 30

My 30th birthday is approaching faster than I'd like. I'm kind baffled at how quickly time has gone by since I graduated from college. I know there are lots of people who have done lists such as this and I figured it would be a good idea for me to put one together to help me accomplish some things I've had my mind on for a while now. I kinda cheated and used some off of this list.

via National Geographic

So... 30 things I want to do before I'm 30

1. Bake a soufflé
2. Wallpaper a room
3. Get out of the country
4. Really decorate for Christmas
5. Landscape my "yard"
6. Read all the Harry Potter books
7. Shop at the Alameda Flea Market or World's Longest Yard Sale Went to Rose Bowl Flea Market Instead
8. Become SCUBA certified
9. Wear a big hat to church
10. Refinish the kitchen cabinets and tile a backsplash
11. Photograph my Night & Day series and try to get it published or in a show or make a book
12. Sew myself a sassy dress with one of my vintage patterns
13. Get food storage in order
14. Learn to play the banjo
15. Become pregnant, blast you insurance!
16. Throw a very golden birthday party (mark your calendars, 2/28/12!) Nixed
17. Purchase real dining room chairs (gotta decide which ones...)
18. Start my layers project
19. Take ballroom dance lessons
20. Reupholster the other wingback chair, by myself...
21. Pickle cucumbers with a faboo recipe
22. Get into good habits (reading scriptures, writing in my journal, not putting my clothes at the foot of my bed, not leaving dishes in the sink, not biting my nails...again)
23. Own a gas efficient car
24. Workout 5 days a week
25. Build a piece of furniture by myself
26. Produce a diptych of my turtle photo
27. Make this into a quilt Make this photo into a quilt like this
28. Teach my dog to roll over and stay
29. Lose 30 pounds, no jokes
30. Wear some kick ace shoes on hot a date with Sir Luke

What do you want to do before you get to the next big number?

Easter Egg Hunt

Let's get beyond the fact that I still haven't posted photos from Christmas. Maybe I'll post them in July to spruce up your summer with snow.

Be prepared for an overload of cuteness and probably too many pictures.

Waiting to go outside!

Saddle Shoes

I don't think I ever had saddle shoes when I was a kid. Wanted them, never had them. I sorta forgot about them until a recent post from Jordan Ferney's blog. I fell in love again.

And promptly forgot.

And then I spotted them again on her sister's blog. Ummm...I need some. Like all desperately and such. I wonder if they share shoes. I didn't grow up with my sisters. I never shared clothes. But I always wanted to but my darn feet are too small for that sort of thing.